For those who have known me for a long time will know that I have been a lover of alcohol since I turned 18. Not to sound like a person who desperately needs an intervention or AA meetings but I think alcohol can be enormous help in many ways. Controlled consumption leads to stress reduction, decreased shyness, joy and the list goes on.
However, when one loses control all hell can break loose. When things in your life is stable, control is easy. When life isn't so stable, alcohol becomes an escape for many tortured souls. Perhaps the key in knowing how your life is going is understanding your emotional state.
Things were going fine in my life and having my friend and her son stay with me was fine too (or so I thought). It was not until I went over to a friend's house one night that I realised perhaps I wasn't as "at ease" as I thought. After downing about 6 apple martinis in less than 3 hours I woke up then next morning with the worst hangover of my life. I had a flight to catch at 7pm so the whole day was spent literally crawling to the toilet then crawling back to bed to shake off the nastiness. The poor godson was concerned and asked why I had a headache. How do you answer such things to a five year old without the explanation becoming constant 'why's'?
The disappointment in myself was utterly heartbreaking. I had made plans to spend the day with my godson before my flight to Hawaii to ensure he wasn't left feeling abandoned. The poor boy was already going through a hard time with the parents' separation. So, having let him down made me feel as though I, the godparent, was another passing phase in his life. That incident took place on the 16th of March and hence it is coming up to two months. It is the longest I have gone without alcohol and although I do miss it occasionally, I cannot bring myself to have alcohol without the resurgence of the disappointment and regret I feel within myself.
Why does this justify a blog entry?
After many yoga sessions, I still haven't mastered accepting things for what they are. And I have not felt any more healthier than when I was drinking.
Where is a miracle when you need one!
However, when one loses control all hell can break loose. When things in your life is stable, control is easy. When life isn't so stable, alcohol becomes an escape for many tortured souls. Perhaps the key in knowing how your life is going is understanding your emotional state.
Things were going fine in my life and having my friend and her son stay with me was fine too (or so I thought). It was not until I went over to a friend's house one night that I realised perhaps I wasn't as "at ease" as I thought. After downing about 6 apple martinis in less than 3 hours I woke up then next morning with the worst hangover of my life. I had a flight to catch at 7pm so the whole day was spent literally crawling to the toilet then crawling back to bed to shake off the nastiness. The poor godson was concerned and asked why I had a headache. How do you answer such things to a five year old without the explanation becoming constant 'why's'?
The disappointment in myself was utterly heartbreaking. I had made plans to spend the day with my godson before my flight to Hawaii to ensure he wasn't left feeling abandoned. The poor boy was already going through a hard time with the parents' separation. So, having let him down made me feel as though I, the godparent, was another passing phase in his life. That incident took place on the 16th of March and hence it is coming up to two months. It is the longest I have gone without alcohol and although I do miss it occasionally, I cannot bring myself to have alcohol without the resurgence of the disappointment and regret I feel within myself.
Why does this justify a blog entry?
After many yoga sessions, I still haven't mastered accepting things for what they are. And I have not felt any more healthier than when I was drinking.
Where is a miracle when you need one!
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